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Monday, August 31, 2009

Return to Sender

I have a friend in Pennsylvania who delights in regaling me with stories of finding fat in new, jigglier places. She says that she must be finding what I have lost.

She must have marked a few of those pounds "Return to Sender" when they arrived on her doorstep, because I seem to have gotten them back. Postage due. That bitch.

I haven't updated in so long, not because of this dietary slip, but because I have been a) incredibly busy during the summer holiday and b) burdened with a crippled computer at home (the a and k keys have stopped working, so I have to copy/paste those letters whenever I need them).

So, yes... very busy summer. I went away for a few weeks, was out and about, did my thing. I am a food diary keeper. This is my weight loss method. I use http://www.calorieking.com/ to track every bit, bite, morsel, and drop that goes into my mouth. While I was away, however, I didn't really have regular or easy access to my logging system. So I just kind of played it by ear (by mouth? Oh, that just sounds bad...). When I was finally home for long enough to get on my scale a few times and own up to the unlogged abyss, I was shocked to find that I had blown straight through the 280s and landed firmly in the realm of the 270s. About 276 pounds, to be precise.

Then... oh how it went to hell in a handbasket. Or was it a basket of fried chicken?

I had been SO busy during the summer, I'd had no time for myself. So, once I was finally free of all my plans, I took to heart the idea of using a vacation for rest and relaxation and did just that.... although my hand kept moving to my mouth. No rest for ol' righty OR the incisors. Even cooking was far too much work to contemplate during my precious down time. I ate convenience store food more often than any human being should. (And convenience store food in Japan is GOOD. Not good FOR you, but good in a salty, greasy, and fresh way that US convenience store tends not to be... three year old hot dogs on the rollers, anyone?)

I have excuses - I couldn't cook because all of my dishes were dirty; all of my dishes were dirty because I couldn't wash them; I couldn't wash them because a rogue sparkler blew off half of my thumb and it took two weeks for it to heal over enough that the idea of submerging it in soapy water didn't fill me with terror. (This is completely true, though no real excuse.... I guess I could have taped the crap out of it and just cringed through scrubbing a few plates, but... it really, REALLY hurt. A lot.)

Anyway... when I finally faced the music and stepped on the scale again, I found that I had jumped back up to 289. In 10 days. Yes, 13 pounds in 10 days. Another friend calls me the Titanic, because I just keep taking on water until I finally go down. You won't catch me tossing a giant diamond off the port bow, though. I'd pawn that sucker. (And probably buy food.... fail.)

The good thing is, I know that the majority of the weight is water. I'm guessing 8-10 pounds of it. Yes, my body holds on to that much liquid. I'm a camel. I'm a cactus. I'm a walking Sigg bottle. I'm a fricken ChamWOW. Take me to a third world country and wring me out over a dusty well, the community will have water for a week. Three pounds have come off again already in as many days, this week is period week (sorry, boys, fact of life), and my sodium intake will go WAY DOWN once I finish off that huge jar of dastardly delicious dill pickles I got from CostCo. I fully expect to lose five pounds this week (maybe more) without even really trying that hard.

All out of my bladder, uterus, and arm pits.

Fun times.

Back in the saddle again. Ride, Sally, ride.