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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Outside Looking In

I think you are worrying too much about your weight and thats maybe why you dont lose much weight :)
chubby girls can be beautiful also...just as thin girls
relax about it and eat normal, whenever you are hungry...

That's a comment made on another journal I keep. More private, friends only. The girl is young, German... thin. The comment is in response to a meme where one question was "One word to describe you" and I answered "Fat." I didn't necessarily answer that question on that day because I was feeling down and out about my butt. I would answer that question that way (on the internet) most days, simply because it's true. It's what people would remember. It's what they would say if I went missing and they had to describe me to the police. It is, for better or worse, one of my most defining features.

However, the comment got me to thinking (as comments usually do). Is that what skinny people think? That to "relax" and "eat normal, whenever you are hungry" is the cure for obesity?

For some, perhaps. Not for me.

There's a whole lot more to this mess than someone who doesn't have to deal with it could ever know.

How's this for you?

I have an eating disorder. If the first step is admitting you have a problem, there, I've just done it. *crickets* What? Oh, I get it. Girls with eating disorders are thin. Right. I see the problem here.

Your average person knows about anorexia, bulimia... in fact, your average person probably knows someone who has or had one of those disorders. The thing is, I would wager that more people know someone with Binge Eating Disorder. It's quite likely that you do. Hey, many of you know me.

I am self-diagnosed with this disorder. As mentioned in the article, most doctors don't or won't ask about the related symptoms. Not to mention, "Because it is not a recognized psychiatric disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, it is difficult to obtain insurance reimbursement for treatments." Super, yes?

Since coming back to the states, I've recognized all ten of the example symptoms listed on that site.

From the outside looking in, you see a fat chick... who doesn't seem to eat that much more than your average 'normal' person. You can't see her dropping $5 into the office snack box and eating a few packs of cookies on her break after everyone else has cleared out of the lounge. You can't see her ordering delivery on a day she packed her lunch... and then eating both. As with most things, you can't see what goes into making something - merely the result.

What's one word that describes you? Fat.