29

No, I've not lost 29-pounds. Nor have I lost 29-kilograms. (OH, to have lost 29-kilograms!!! Yowza.)

Don't worry, I haven't gained them, either.

I have, however, marked that many years on the planet. Yes, folks, on March 2nd, I turned 29. I'm usually quite happy about my birthday - I'm proud of being a Pisces, of being independent, of sharing my birthday with the likes of Dr. Seuss and Bon Jovi. This year, however, I kind of felt was a bit of a downer.

Now that it is March 4th, I have precisely 363 days before I turn 30.

And you know what? I don't want to be this size when that happens.

In fact, I want so badly to NOT be this size that the gravity of the situation has been pressing down on me, hard, and making it really difficult for me to do anything about it. Fat begets depression, depression begets fat.

At an outdoor concert, once, some random European guy (mostly drunk) popped into the middle of my group, held up his hand and put thumb to forefinger to make like an "A-okay!" sign and then he wiggled it and growled. Then he said, "Do you know what that is?" and he did it again. A-okay, wiggle, growl. With perked eybrows and puzzled expressions, we all shook our heads and waited for the answer to the riddle (which turned out to be a punchline): "IT'S A VICIOUS CIRCLE!!" he guffawed and then ran away.

It was hilarious. It made me laugh like crazy when it happened, and it still makes me chuckle, today.

That doesn't mean that I hate my own vicious circle any less.

Lately, I have been feeling my complacency. I feel it in my muscles, in my stomach, in my head, in my energy levels. The theory is actually quite simple: "Eat crap, feel like crap." In fact, that theory has been tested so many times that it has moved beyond theory and solidly into FACT.

I feel that it goes without saying that my February goals were laughable and a complete and utter failure. However, having scheduled workouts written in my daily planner and having to cross them off as I continually failed to do them DID induce some guilt about the whole thing and kept it at the front of my mind, even through the triplet of birthday celebrations endured through the end of February and beginning of March. Still, I basically hopped off of the healthy lifestyle wagon and onto the fried food carb bullet train.

It seems like that's a pretty good analogy.

Healthy living - that's a wagon. With one horse, at best, but usually even the horse is too tired to bother, so you have to push that bitch up the hill by yourself.

Crappy, yet delicious, foods and bad habits - definitely the bullet train. The station is crowded, ultimately it's too expensive, but damn if it isn't convenient and there are dozens of people just clamoring at the gate to help you get on your way. And once you're on it, you can just sit there and coast along. Straight to hell.

Eat crap, feel like crap.

Why is it so hard to keep something so simple in mind?

If that isn't going to work, maybe this will.

363 days

Ready? Go.