TGIF

Apologies for a second-rate post... this P.O.S. computer locked up JUST at the end of having written this blog for an hour. I didn't even tell it to post, I just clicked in the title bar and Internet Explorer flipped me the proverbial bird and ran off, taking my hard work with it. We all know... the second time is never as good.

Thank god it's February.

Honestly. Thank god.

I can barely stomach January, anymore. (And I know my pants couldn't take much more...)

When the world is focused on weight loss, I honestly want nothing to do with the weight loss world. Being bombarded 24-7 by news feeds ("No, Really, AIR is Making YOU FAT!"), over-eager newbies on dieting boards ("Frustrated!!! HELP!! I didn't loose pounds in one day!!!!!1111!!!"), and TV ("And in our next segment, headless fat person #239487235 waddling down the street, because no one in their right mind would sign off allowing a network to make them the face of American obesity... unless it's Biggest Loser.").

It bores me.

It exhausts me.

I spent most of January avoiding all manner of diet propaganda and even the diet board that I pay money to frequent. I don't think that anyone ever meant for 'enthusiasm' to be included in the list of things implied by "Too much of a good thing can be bad," but for me, it certainly is. I get annoyed by the constant thrashings with the Upbeat Whip ("YOU CAN DO IT!!!" "HANG IN THERE!!!!" "IT'S ONLY ONE DAY!!!!" yes, the Upbeat Whip consists solely of Caps Lock and exclamation points and platitudes) and by seeing the same question asked again and again and again.

Though a teacher by trade, and though I delight in providing well-thought-out answers to equally well-thought-out questions, I really can't handle the flood of Resolution Raiders who swarm the boards and ask questions that could just as easily have been answered by some strategic search terms in a query box. If you do feel a need to re-hash a question, throw us a bone and include some fact that shows you did your reasearch and remain baffled. Otherwise, the urge to send you to Google may become too strong and I won't be able to help myself.

(I also tend to avoid posting on boards because I have to preface most things with "In Japan..." and I think that makes me sound like a pretentious asshole. Though I do like to read through a good discussion here and there.)

Now that February has come, many of the Resolution Raiders have faded (only to return in next year's sequel, Raiders of the Lost Resolution XIII) and the internet is a relatively safe place to be. Only the occasional news story about which new sucrose is going to kill us all pops up between natural disasters of epic proportions and awards shows that people don't really watch anymore.

A related habit of mine, however, remains. When other people I know are doing well on their journey toward weight loss and a healthier lifestyle, I want to give up. I feel like this relates to my apparent allergy to over-enthusiasm and my inherently competetive spirit.

When anyone I know decides that they are going to straighten up, fly right, get fit, lose weight, etc., they are automatically months (if not years) closer to their ultimate goals than I am. I have absolutely no chance of attaining Health Nirvana before them. Even if I could operate my Healthy Lifestyle Engine at 100% efficiency 100% of the time, I would not catch up to my average pal operating at 100% only 50% of the time. Or 75% all of the time. Somewhere inside, I'm aware that it isn't a competition or a race, but usually, it still feels like one. Who in their right mind would enter a race they know they can't possibly win? It's madness.

This is a personal obstacle which I am working to overcome. So far, so good.

Finally, I'm going to try something new in February. Scheduling my work outs. I have had mentally scheduled work out routines for years and never followed through with a thing. However, I have a colorful new 2010 planner with big monthly pages and daily plan pages and I am going to try writing them down. I have scheduled exercise for the entire month of February, as follows:

2/2 (Tuesday) - Biggest Loser Cardio Max (I hate you, Bob...)
2/5 (Friday) - Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred (I REALLY hate you, Jillian...)
2/7 (Sunday) - The Method: Target Specifics with Jennifer Kries (a.k.a. Pink Yoga Bitch, or PYB - it's a term of endearment!)
2/9 (Tuesday) - BL Cardio Max
2/11 (Thursday) - Zumba class!
2/14 (Sunday) - PYB
2/16 (Tuesday) - BL Cardio Max
2/19 (Friday) - 30-Day Shred
2/21 (Sunday) - Zumba class!
2/23 (Tuesday) - BL Cardio Max
2/26 (Friday) - 30-Day Shred
2/28 (Sunday) - PYB

Overall goals for February are:

- 1,500-2,000 calories daily (will look at monthly average, assuming accurate logging everyday)
- Exercise (for the sake of exercise) 10 or more times
- Eat restaurant meals fewer than 8 times (less than twice a week)
- Have 4 or fewer alcoholic drinks (less than once a week; normally, this goal would not be necessary as I barely drink anything... ever... but there are birthday celebrations to be attended this month and I want a solid guideline for myself)
- 275 pounds (February 1st weight: 284.4 pounds)