Things I tire of:
- Skinny people complaining that they're fat. And let's face it, pretty much everyone is skinny compared to me.
- Stories about people who have done the impossible and eaten two... TWO... desserts after having a meal. And the subsequent agreement of everyone around about how truly implausible that is. Screw you, I could eat two meals and three desserts in one go if it's the right time of the month.
- People saying that they would have liked to offer me a ride, but their car is just so small. I drove a roller skate with an engine for two years in Japan and I am an expert at contorting and compacting myself into the smallest fat ball possible. Don't you worry about me fitting into your Pinto, bitch.
- Anyone selling anything who says, "It's good for diet!!" I know more about what's "good for diet" than 80% of the Japanese population combined. It's just that knowing and doing/succeeding are two totally different, unrelated states of being.
- Failure.
Ok, so that last one there is all on me. I get into these funks where I don't want to eat anything that requires any sort of work/preparation. Basically, if it comes out of a plastic bag or a cardboard box and doesn't require a utensil, it's game.
Some people go on drinking binges and wake up with their liver lying beside them in the morning, crying. I wake up with my pancreas beside me in the middle of a soliloquy about what it will do when it finally has diabetes.
Clearly, this cycle, this self-sabbotage, this whatever it is, has to end. The thing is, by this point, it's like starting over from the beginning again. Oh, I'm not back up to starting weight, I'm not even back up over 290, but I don't want to let that happen, either.
My body, however, would beg to differ. It is sluggish, unresponsive, tired most of the time. It WANTS the bags of chips and cheese curls and crackers and cheese. It does NOT want to stand in front of the stove and wait for chicken to cook, pasta to boil, eggs to solidify.
Thus, this is war.
Body vs. Brain.
Want vs. Will.
Celebrity death match. Ding.
Place In My Head
4 years ago
1 comments:
I seriously hate the effort it takes to cook/make anything. And then, if there are leftovers - especially naughty leftovers, I feel like "I have to eat this (spaghetti) so it is gone and not tempting me already." Which turns into a 3 day pasta fest.
I am probably one of those 'skinny' bitches, but when I jump 2-3 clothing sizes and start getting new stretch marks and lose the ability to see my feet when standing erect, I consider that not good. According to my doctor I'm 40lbs overweight. I would settle for 20, that would be 'skinny' for me.
So yeah. Right now I am sick and I don't want to cook/make anything and I barely want to eat, and when I do eat it's nothing good. Maybe my body is rebelling against good food and eating in moderation and trying to kill itself? Who knows.
You can do it Debu Chan! You are almost back where you wanted to be before you slid before. Keep it up. Resist the box. Do not assimilate!
<3 Mary
Post a Comment